This is something of a response to some of the sentiments expressed in the video on this page: http://www.upworthy.com/ever-considered-what-guys-look-for-in-girls-forget-it-think-about-what-a-17-year-old-says-instead?g=2
It seems these days the prevailing opinion is to have no opinions. The great ideal is to shun ideals altogether.
We need to remember that the definition of special is: something uncommon, something rare, difficult to attain, requiring discipline, talent and skill to achieve, but now we are taught that everyone is special. Is this not a contradiction? Does this not fly in the face of common sense?
How are we to be encouraged to work hard and discipline ourselves when effort is worth no more than laziness? When fitness is no better than obesity? When ignorance is worth the same as intelligence? If everybody is special then nobody is. If a word refers to everything and nothing in particular then it is meaningless.
We see this in modern art when aimless, splattered paint on a canvas is placed in the same museum as the masterpieces of great depth and detail.
We see this in modern music when people ignore the subtleties and complexity of lyrics and melody for the 'catchy' beats of electronically produced song and voice.
We see this when the foot stomping and in your face attitude of slam poetry is given National prizes over the nuanced vocabulary, rhyme, and meter of subtle emotion and personality that takes real poets years to master, and real fans of poetry time to study to reveal it's content.
The problem might be best illustrated by the fact that people who criticize the fat and lazy are shamed more by the public than the fat and lazy themselves. I'm not saying that everybody should be physically fit, but everybody has the potential to achieve disciplined fitness is some subject or area and that discipline and ability is what is really special.
The fact is that not everybody is automatically special and not everybody automatically deserves esteem. Saying that everybody deserves high self-esteem, love and admiration is a farce. Self-esteem is not simply a choice you can make on a whim, anymore than it is a whimsical choice to win an Olympic gold medal, paint a masterpiece, or construct a beautiful building. Self-esteem is a result. It is the involuntary reaction of discipline, practice, focus, determination and honest actualization of full potential... whatever that potential might be.
But don't get me wrong, I am no cold elitist and I still have empathy for even the lowest of people. Yet, we need to remember that everyone is capable of greatness if they are determined and work tirelessly and meaningfully toward a difficult goal.
We are, in fact, hurting the fools, the obese, and the mediocre by telling them that they ought to just accept themselves and be happy with who they are in the moment. We ruin their potential and ignore the real reasons why they are unhappy when we say, "Just think differently and love yourself, you are perfect already," rather than, "Act differently, set yourself lofty goals, work toward them and only then true happiness will come naturally and spontaneously."
It is not the words of others who hurt a person, it is the subconscious understanding that they could be greater than they are, but they have chosen not to be. Because when somebody really is disciplined and has achieved worthwhile accomplishments, no insults to them can change that and nothing can tear down the sense of pride and happiness they have won from that battle. It's easy for a person who has done something worthwhile to say, "I may not be beautiful (or whatever else), but look what I have accomplished!" Rather than bitterly demanding that everyone must be beautiful (or special or whatever else) to make themselves feel better.
A lot of people need to stop "being themselves" because they could be so much better.
